Tuesday, March 13, 2012


Having support during this process is a huge deal because there are going to be people that you cross paths with or are family or friends with that are going to be negative and not get it.  I have learned that very quickly and I haven't even really begun the process.

The few people I have told about wanting to do this have either been on board and excited or have been very negative about it.  The only person I think who even has a little bit of right to be concerned is my Father.  My dad's mom died when she gave birth to my 6th Uncle and both of them passed away.  My grandma who I never will get to meet died due to amniotic fluid getting in the blood stream.  My dad has voiced his concern and I think from our conversations that he understands I have gone into this with prayer, fasting and many temple visits involved.  I am very devoted to my Church and it is a huge part of my life.  My dad said he will support me with whatever I end up doing.  I felt so good and at peace.  I have had countless blessings regarding being a surrogate and every time I feel such urgency to do this and so at peace with moving forward with it.

I come from a rather LARGE family who all have opinions; therefore I have been raised to have my own opinion as well.  I decided not to voice to my extended family what I would be doing and announced over the weekend that I would be a surrogate and have been matched with an amazing couple.  This led a family member to call another family member and then to call me.  That conversation although it was of good intention left me feeling at a loss.  I was second guessing the many confirmations of what I have felt was the right choice for myself and my family as I was being told that it was bad and not a good idea.  This hurt more then words can even describe; I have only told a few people what was said in that conversation but to some it up.  I felt like I would be damned for doing this selfless act and that I would be kicked out of my Church even though I have talked to my church leaders about this and have only had a positive reaction thus far.  What hurt the most was that they not only talked about this but also about another topic that I have prayed so long and hard about and have studied about and had the Spirit confirm to me that it was the right thing to only have them tell me it was completely wrong.

Due to this conversation I jumped the gun and told my IP's (Intended Parents) that I couldn't work with them and that I didn't even know if I would be a surrogate even though I felt like this is something I should do and have felt this way a very long time.  I talked to a few girls in my surrogate group and they helped me so much and made me feel tons better about the situation.  Some of these women are of the same faith as me and have talked to the appropriate people and have been cleared to help their IP's.  With what family has said to me that would not have been the case; so it made me sad that they were being so close minded.  I felt so bad for jumping to conclusions thinking that my family was right and my instinct was wrong and basically shattering this couple hopes yesterday.

I have realized that I can not rely on my family so much during this process which breaks my heart because they are everything to me.  I will have to rely on my group and the few people that have been supportive from the beginning!

I get a text from a friend about every other day with inspiring messages from the scriptures or the prophet or apostles and today really helped me after feeling awful about my decision to be a surrogate.

Elder Richard C Edgely, in April Conference of 2005, said "In this busy, tumultuous, and noisy world, it is not like a wind, it is not like a fire, it is not like an earthquake; but it is a still small, but very discernible voice, and it causes a throbbing heart."

For me it has reconfirmed the feeling I have been having about this special journey I want to be apart of!  My feeling or revelation may not be what you or someone else might get for the same thing I have gotten a yes on but it doesn't mean I'm going to be damned or condemned for it.  It came from a loving Heavenly Father and it is just as right as the thing you are getting a different answer for.  This is something I have spent many, many days conversing with my Heavenly Father about and I know it is what I need to do right now.  I know there is a little Spirit ready to come to Earth!  I had an amazing pregnancy and it would be a waste to not be able to help another family.

If you are going to start this process make sure you have the support group that you need because it is so difficult when you don't.

1 comment:

Doug and Bill said...

Thanks for following our blog. I come from an LDS family on my mother's side, but I have been inactive for a very long time and to be honest, have never considered to be active again. I am a true believer of going with your gut and the support you can find online is amazing. Just check out all the blogs and the circle of support that has come through having a baby via surrogacy. Good luck with everything. Look forward to reading more.