Having support during this process is a huge deal because there are going to be people that you cross paths with or are family or friends with that are going to be negative and not get it. I have learned that very quickly and I haven't even really begun the process.
The few people I have told about wanting to do this have either been on board and excited or have been very negative about it. The only person I think who even has a little bit of right to be concerned is my Father. My dad's mom died when she gave birth to my 6th Uncle and both of them passed away. My grandma who I never will get to meet died due to amniotic fluid getting in the blood stream. My dad has voiced his concern and I think from our conversations that he understands I have gone into this with prayer, fasting and many temple visits involved. I am very devoted to my Church and it is a huge part of my life. My dad said he will support me with whatever I end up doing. I felt so good and at peace. I have had countless blessings regarding being a surrogate and every time I feel such urgency to do this and so at peace with moving forward with it.
I come from a rather LARGE family who all have opinions; therefore I have been raised to have my own opinion as well. I decided not to voice to my extended family what I would be doing and announced over the weekend that I would be a surrogate and have been matched with an amazing couple. This led a family member to call another family member and then to call me. That conversation although it was of good intention left me feeling at a loss. I was second guessing the many confirmations of what I have felt was the right choice for myself and my family as I was being told that it was bad and not a good idea. This hurt more then words can even describe; I have only told a few people what was said in that conversation but to some it up. I felt like I would be damned for doing this selfless act and that I would be kicked out of my Church even though I have talked to my church leaders about this and have only had a positive reaction thus far. What hurt the most was that they not only talked about this but also about another topic that I have prayed so long and hard about and have studied about and had the Spirit confirm to me that it was the right thing to only have them tell me it was completely wrong.
Due to this conversation I jumped the gun and told my IP's (Intended Parents) that I couldn't work with them and that I didn't even know if I would be a surrogate even though I felt like this is something I should do and have felt this way a very long time. I talked to a few girls in my surrogate group and they helped me so much and made me feel tons better about the situation. Some of these women are of the same faith as me and have talked to the appropriate people and have been cleared to help their IP's. With what family has said to me that would not have been the case; so it made me sad that they were being so close minded. I felt so bad for jumping to conclusions thinking that my family was right and my instinct was wrong and basically shattering this couple hopes yesterday.
I have realized that I can not rely on my family so much during this process which breaks my heart because they are everything to me. I will have to rely on my group and the few people that have been supportive from the beginning!
I get a text from a friend about every other day with inspiring messages from the scriptures or the prophet or apostles and today really helped me after feeling awful about my decision to be a surrogate.
Elder Richard C Edgely, in April Conference of 2005, said "In this busy, tumultuous, and noisy world, it is not like a wind, it is not like a fire, it is not like an earthquake; but it is a still small, but very discernible voice, and it causes a throbbing heart."
For me it has reconfirmed the feeling I have been having about this special journey I want to be apart of! My feeling or revelation may not be what you or someone else might get for the same thing I have gotten a yes on but it doesn't mean I'm going to be damned or condemned for it. It came from a loving Heavenly Father and it is just as right as the thing you are getting a different answer for. This is something I have spent many, many days conversing with my Heavenly Father about and I know it is what I need to do right now. I know there is a little Spirit ready to come to Earth! I had an amazing pregnancy and it would be a waste to not be able to help another family.
If you are going to start this process make sure you have the support group that you need because it is so difficult when you don't.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
I have family and friends that don't understand why I would want to be a surrogate and have said some very HURTFUL things to me about me wanting to do this. I know that their intentions are good but they have hurt my feelings.
With that said; this is something I have wanted to do since I was 18 years old. I had a close friend years ago who found out very early at the age of 17 she couldn't have kids of her own ever. I immediately told her that I would be her surrogate and carry her children for her. That was in 2005; that was nearly 7 years ago.
Three years ago I mentioned it to family and friends about being a gestational surrogate and some were really supportive and some were so opposed to it. I didn't do anything further with it at the time. Last Summer, I felt like I should start looking into it again. So I did. I looked into different agencies and read more about it. I felt at the time that with the divorce so fresh and the co-parenting relationship a little rocky that it would be best that I waited. Six short months later (Jan. 2012) I felt like it was time. I looked into it again but this time I applied at agencies and talked with a lawyer who specializes in surrogate law. I have received the most assuring answer or feeling when I filed for divorce and it is no different when I have pondering and prayed about helping another family to start their family.
I have family members and friends that can't have kids on their own and I would do anything to help them and if that meant helping them start their family by carrying their baby for them I wouldn't even think twice about it. I know that being a surrogate is not for everyone, there is so much time and pain that goes into this. There are so many people that may look at this as a negative but I can only see the positive. I know how amazing it is to be a parent and how important that is for me, that I can't even fathom not being able to be a parent and raise a beautiful Spirit. I am so excited and have dreamed about doing this for such a long time; to be able to help a sweet couple begin their family is such a miracle.
For those that think surrogates do it just for the money think extra long and hard about this, SERIOUSLY. If I was in it for the money I would do something that wouldn't stretch my body to the core and mutilate it. I would do something that I didn't chance dying over or losing organs over. I would do something that meant I got paid more then a couple dollars a day; from beginning to end of being a surrogate which is actually about a year of time if not longer, is not worth the money. I have had people mention the mounds of money I will get out of doing this and that is not the case. Yes, there is money involved for my pain and suffereing but the actual concept of bringing a sweet Spirit into this world for another family is something more meaningful and special to me then the money.
I eat, sleep and when I sleep I dream of doing this; it has literally consumed my thoughts all day and every day. I know that some of you who are of my faith and think I shouldn't do this and that I will be damned or excommunicated realize that this isn't something I have just jumped into. Being a surrogate is so very close to my heart not because I have had infertility problems but because people I love and are near and dear to my heart have and I want to do something to help them. Those seven years ago when my friend found out she couldn't have kids I was completely sincere about helping her and still would if she needed it. To be able to see a couple that has struggled for years upon years to have a child to no avail hold THEIR baby for the first time makes me tear up just thinking about it. I have prayerfully decided to be a gestational surrogate and I am so elated about this decision. I know that their is a baby that is so ready to come to Earth and be with their family. I understand that there are so many options for couples to have a family but I know that this is also an option; I am willing to help a family if they want. I honestly can't imagine doing anything else right now but to give someone the most amazing gift; a child of their own!
Please if you have questions about being a surrogate or don't understand something please ask but please be courteous of what you might say. I have already been so deeply hurt by the ignorance of others and them not fully understanding what I am doing.